Nostalgia ....

I'm not sure what to write today. It wasn't a bad day, or a good day. Uneventful and relaxed. I recently switched my room to one with a better bed and a nice breeze through the big open window. The yellow walls brighten things in the morning when the sun comes right in. The east side of the house has a delicious view of the lush garden below.

Its hot tonight. That summer stickiness that's so unique to home is light and not too uncomfortable. The voices of the neighbourhood kids mingle with the sound of traffic from the nearby road and the trains arriving in the yards. The children are singing a song I haven't heard. Laughing and shouting at each other in good fun. This kind of night reminds me of when I was one of those kids. Promising my parents I would be back by the time the street lights came on, but staying out longer because of lost time. I don't even remember what we did all those nights. How we could see each other so often and never be tired of something or bored. We could find something to do no matter what. Why does that always seem to change for people when they get older?

Lavender incense burns in the corner. The smoke curls up and a mild breeze from the window sends it swirling around the room. When I was in my early teens, freshly into high school, incense sticks scattered my room. A tin, hidden behind a thin book on the shelf hid a world of peer pressure and unacknowledged angst. Typical. So much so that it makes me laugh to think of it. I was strange back then - possibly more so than now. Like everyone else in the madhouse of high school, I was trying to figure myself out. As most people know, it's a painful process. You end up going through a lot of personas that are not you before you get to the one that is. I still don't know if I've found the right one. Sometimes it's so hard to tell that I end up returning to that old self-medicating behaviour. It's tempting to just breath in and be able to be okay for a little while. There's none of that tonight. Lavender incense helps me sleep.

The kids are headed in now. Called by their parents from the back door. Now it's just the chirping of insects and traffic. I'll try to sleep soon, sans the medication. I hope you all have a lovely night as well.

M.G.